


Why do you care ?

by Chaolina



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I tried my best :'), It's my first time writing angst, M/M, Scars, because i'm a softie, it still ends well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:16:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaolina/pseuds/Chaolina
Summary: "Why ? Why do you even care ?""Because I'm in love with you, asshole !"
Relationships: Kai/Jay Walker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Why do you care ?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes hello  
> So this is my first time writing angst haha  
> ...I suffered because I'm a softie.  
> Anyways this is not my first language so please point out any mistake and/or things you don't understand so that I can improve :D  
> Enjoy my longest one-shot yet !
> 
> And don't hesitate to leave comments I'm starved for human contact so it'll be the highlight of my day

"I can't BELIEVE you did that." 

Jay was pacing around the infirmary, angry and rambling. Sitting on the table, Kai was watching him, his torso covered in bandages. "After everything we talked about. How you should not throw yourself into danger."

"What else was I supposed to do ? Let him shoot Nya with that fireball ?" The red ninja asked dryly, a little annoyed at his teammate's reprimands. "I did what I had to. It was an emergency. You would've done the same !"

"No ! No I wouldn't have !" Jay yelled. "Because I'm not an overprotective idiot with no regards for his personal safety ! Nya would've been fine. She literally controls water !"

"She's still my little sister ! And I ended up fine too !" Kai tried to argue back.

"Oh yeah ? Your inconscious body we had to carry back plus the burns all over your chest that I had to clean up beg to differ," hissed the blue ninja between his teeth.

"So what ? Should I say thank you ? I could've treated them myself," Kai snapped. "And you always do this ! You're all up in my business when actually everything's fine and then act like me getting hurt a bit is the worst thing in the world !"

"Because for me it is !"

"Why ? Why do you even care ?"

"Because I'm in love with you, asshole !"

Kai froze. Jay stared straight at him, eyes watering, a look of hurt on his face that showed more than words could say.

"I love you. And I'm tired of pretending the feelings aren't there." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, still sniffling. "But yeah, I ask myself why I still care often. You sure as he'll don't make it easy."

"How is it my fault !?"

Jay slowly let out a sigh, shaking with anger. He opened the door, looked at Kai with red puffy eyes that made the ninja's heart shatter, and slammed the door behind him.

Kai was left alone. Trying to process what just happened, he moved to follow Jay before the silent room became too much to handle but stopped dead in his tracks, a jolt of pain seizing his entire body.

Fuck, those burns were still painful. 

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ 

"Jay, wait-" Kai tried to get the blue ninja's attention. Without success. The short boy closed his room's door in the red ninja's face again.

It had been a week since Jay blew up. Since then, he was avoiding him like the plague, which was beginning to get on Kai's nerves. As much as he'd like to talk to his teammate, the boy just wouldn't even stay in the same room as him ! 

Missions weren't too difficult to plan out, though. Kai was exempt from fighting due to his burns healing slowly (at his dismay), so he and Jay didn't have to be near eachother, which suited the blue ninja just fine.

Jay was eating meals alone in his room when he knew Kai would be at the table.

Ridiculous, that's what that was. How could he have known Jay had a crush on him ? And how could he have known his behavior was upsetting him ? Sure, the blue ninja reprimanded him once or twice... Or thrice... About acting without thinking first, and he always looked the other way when Kai talked about the scars he got in battle, but he didn't think it'd be such a big deal !

At least, that's what he thought before talking to Nya. He had called her in his room where he was now spending most of his time to recover. Doctor's orders. Well, Zane's orders actually, but technically the same thing. 

So, to pass the time, he complained about the Jay situation.

"And now, as you can see, he's just ignoring me !"

"Yeah but you were kind of a jerk, Kai." Her tired tone was proof how her slowly diminishing patience. Listening to Kai whining took a toll on anyone, and she was the only one capable of listening more than two minutes without the need to grab him by the shoulders and shake him to knock some sense into him. 

Her personal record was twenty-three minutes. 

"Well, how was I supposed to know ? He never said anything !" Kai huffed.

"Wait." Nya raised her hand in disbelief. "You mean you didn't notice ?"

"Notice what ?" Her brother calmed down a bit, confused.

"Oh my god." She hid her face in her hands. With a muffled voice, she continued. "He's been crushing on you for, like, years. He's been attempting to flirt with you for so long... Everyone thought you at least noticed-"

"I uh..." He squirmed in his chair, incomfortable. "I didn't."

"Okay so you're not THAT much of a jerk-"

"Wow, thanks."

"-BUT, you still hurt his feelings."

"Didn't mean to !"

"I mean, he tells you he's hurting because you won't be careful and the only thing you can think of answering is 'how is that my fault ?'"

She glared at him. Confused, he was about to ask how she knew that but then remembered that they stayed best friends after their break-up. They told eachother everything. 

He sighed.

"...Yeah, that was pretty shitty. No wonder he doesn't want to talk to me now." Yeah, now he felt really bad. Jay was right, he really is an asshole.

"Damn right it was."

"But... How can I apologise ? He doesn't want to talk to me. Plus, what do I say ? I can't- I'm not-"

"NOT." She shut him up with her hand on his mouth. "My problem. You're a big boy now, so you figure out how you feel and you find a way to talk to him. Got it ?"

He nodded, swallowing hard. Even if Nya was his little sister, she was pretty terrifying when she got mad.

"Good."

Left alone once more, Kai put a pillow over his head to quiet down a frustrated scream. Why does everything has to be so damn complicated ?

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

It was quiet. Night-time was always quiet, but the silence was becoming heavier with each day passing. 

Kai hated night-time. During the day, with the door open, he could hear whatever the others were doing out here. Call them, talk to them. Didn't have to be alone with his thoughts.

But now, laying awake thanks to the pain on his chest, the silence was deafening. No way to escape his mind. He felt... alone.

Against Zane's restrictions, he got up from the bed with difficulty and made his way to the kitchen, wobbling. He hoped he could find something to eat or drink to distract him.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, he navigated the room effortlessly. He had lived here for a long while now, he could do it with his eyes closed.

He opened the fridge, bleak light washing over his face. He took out a yogurt. He didn't care it had no flavor. Maybe the taste of plain yogurt would be bad enough to get his mind of things.

It didn't last long, small as it was. Soon enough, Kai's mind was yet again beating himself up, the guilt eating away at him.

It was the guilt that reminded him. He remembered what he did a long time ago when he felt just like this.

But he hadn't done it in years ! He promised everyone he wouldn't. It took a lot of work but he managed to keep the habit in check. 

Drawn to the fridge once again, he took out a little flask of the freezer compartment. He opened it and the liquid inside was still the same than when he left it, a very long time ago.

Vodka.

Pouring himself a glass of the strong alcohol, Kai's mind kept screaming at him that it was a horrible idea, that he oshould stop while he still could. He ignored it.

He sighed deeply, and brought the glass to his lips.

...No.

'Ugh, what am I doing ? This isn't right,' he thought. All that hard work was not worth throwing away for feeling blue once.

Making his way to the sink, he only heard the footsteps a second too late.

The lights were suddenly on.

Like a deer in headlights, Kai turned his head so fast his neck almost snapped.

Jay was standing there, hand in the light switch.

"What's in your hand."

"Jay-"

"What is it."

"It's not what it looks like, I was going to empty it in the sink-"

"No." Jay's voice was shaky from anger. The tip of his ears became red. "I don't want to hear your excuses. I don't care anymore."

Kai's voice softened. "Jay, I..."

"Save it. I won't tell anyone."

He took a big breath to calm himself down. "Goodnight, Kai."

He ran back and closed the door to his bedroom before Kai could reach him.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

Kai sighed. What a mess.

It had been five days since the kitchen incident and Jay was avoiding him even more, if that was even possible.

It broke his heart, and not just because he might've lost his best friend.

He hadn't been really honest with his feelings lately. 

He always has a thing for Jay. Even when they just met, and he was as annoying as humanly possible, they sort of... clicked.

Jay quickly became his best friend. Not that the others weren't close friends too, but they were all well aware of the bond the two ninja shared.

He felt really at ease with Jay. Sure, the motormouth was still annoying, but he grew to love it. To love him.

It was such a casual kind of love, too. The one you share with the person you trust the most, and before you realise it, it becomes something more.

He didn't even think about what this fondness for Jay was before. He enjoyed being with him and that was that.

But now... Now he had to.

Now he was more than aware he was utterly in love with Jay.

And his absence this last month hit him like a ton of bricks. 

He wiped his tears angrily. Ugh, what a ridiculous, stupid mess he was.

He was grateful Nya locked his door when she left.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

"Kai, are you listening ?"

"What ?"

Lloyd sighed. "I asked if the burns still hurt."

Kai shook his head. "No no no, I told you, I recovered !"

"But you should still be careful-"

"I'm fine ! I can do this mission."

"...If you say so."

Yes, Kai had indeed said so. But when it comes to his health, he is NOT to be trusted.

Because his burns still hurt. A lot less than before but they stayed a little bit painful. Nothing, really.

The thing was, Kai was dying for some action. Staying in his room with just his thoughts for company wasn't exactly ideal.

"Okay. So," Lloyd continued, "the cavern we're going into is very unstable, so we'll have to be very careful." 

Jay scoffed and gave Kai a dirty look at the mention of the word.

"Don't ask this guy to be careful, he doesn't know what it means."

"Why are you here if you hate me so much, Jay ?"

"Because I'm not stupid enough to put a mission at risk by being selfish, Kai."

"Excuse me, ladies," said Nya to interrupt their bickering, "But we do have something more important to do right now. So you either shut up by yourself or I'll make you. Is that clear ?"

She slammed her hand on the table to make sure her point got across. Startled, they both nodded. "Very good. Now where were we ? The cavern, right ?"

With the rest of the team talking again, the boys resorted to just silently glare at one another. 

Unfortunately, that means they were distracted enough they didn't hear the rest of the plan.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

The place wasn't at all like Kai thought it would be. Luminescent crystals growing almost everywhere covered the inside of the cavern in an ethereal greenish white light. The glow reminded Kai of a ghost, but one that'd be at peace with themself. If that was even possible.

He'd imagined it a creepy, dark tunnel into the depths of the Earth, and he was more than happy to be wrong. This was much nicer.

Jay too was excited about the change of scenery. He could tell the blue ninja was trying really hard not to run around and touch everything, because the joy was clearly visible on his face, on which the light brought out the freckles. One of the things Kai liked the most about Jay's face.

He must've been staring pretty hard because Jay noticed. He turned his head away, embarrassed for a second, his cheeks turning a light red hue.

'Jay already likes you back, you idiot, why are you embarrassed !?' He screamed internally. What was he, a teenage girl writing fanfiction ? 

He shaked his head to get his thoughts in order, gaining a slightly confused look from his teammate. Whatever.

They suddenly stopped. Lloyd raised a hand silently and motioned for them to hide and listen. People were coming.

Flattening themselves against the rock wall, they waited until the bad guys got closer enough, and Lloyd did the signal.

It was chaos.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

"Watch out !" Jay yelled before sending out lighting toward the man sneaking up on Zane, who was already busy with two other guys trying to take him down. Why wasn't he using his powers ?

The white ninja, realising what was happening barely had the time to shout about panicked "No !" before the villain deflected the blue ninja's electricity. 

Oh, so that was why nobody was using their elemental powers.

Jay's powers hit the ceiling right on top of it, crumbling because of the shock. Large blocks of stone were falling down all around him. 

He only saw the biggest one a second too late.

Thankfully, Kai saw it in time.

He tackled Jay into a large hole in the wall. Behind him, falling rocks completely blocked out the entrance exept tiny holes here and there, from which rays of lights were peaking.

While Jay was still processing what just happened, Kai tried to destroy the rocks, without success.

They were stuck. 

"Fucking great," he mumbled. That was the last thing he needed right now.

You'd think, usually, that people would like to be stuck with their crush for an undefined amount of time. But given the current state of their relationship, a.k.a. Jay hating his guts, this was less than ideal. 

Plus, judging from the noise, the team was running after the remaining bad guys. Leaving them here.

Back sliding along the wall, he sat down, defeated. 'Looks like we'll be here a while.'

"You're not injured, are you ?" He asked Jay, his voice sounding more concerned than his wounded ego would've liked.

"No. At least, I don't think so. You ?" His big blue shining eyes were his weakness. He couldn't lie to them. He suspected Jay knew that.

"Burns still hurt but nothing I can't handle. Aside from that, nothing to declare." Kai decided he just wasn't going to look at Jay anymore. It'll be easier to deny anything's wrong. "And before you ask, they weren't painful before we came here. I must've reactivated them or something."

"Kai-"

"I'm fine ! Don't worry. I don't need another lecture."

"Urgh ! You're insufferable !"

"Then don't pay attention to me."

"Fine."

They sat in silence again.

Kai listened to Jay's calming breathing echoing in the little room. He whispered something to him a few minutes after but got no response. He'd fallen asleep.

A fond smile on his face, Kai scooted closer to his teammate. It'd been a while since he did that. 

When they were younger, before they controlled their powers totally, Jay usually fell asleep after using them in battle. It took a lot out of his young body to try and keep control at least a little, given how unstable of an element lightning is. Fortunately, it almost always happened when they were back at the base. 

Now that they were older, Jay didn't have those "lightning naps" nearly as much, but apparently it still happened.

The sound of his breaths and his own heartbeat relaxing him, he thought he might fall asleep too.

But then the breathing got quicker, erratic. Jay was moving a lot, too. Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.

He was having a nightmare.

Unsure if he should shake him gently to wake him up (Maybe Jay wouldn't like to be touched by him) or just let him be (which was torture because he couldn't bear to see him afraid like that), he waited a few seconds.

Fuck it, he then decided. 

Slowly moving Jay by one of his shoulders, he whispered some reassuring words to him.

"Jay, buddy... Wake up. It's okay. It's okay, it's not real."

It seemed to work, because Jay opened his eyes, puffy and red from the tears. He looked at Kai for exactly two seconds before hugging him as tight as he could.

Shocked, Kai didn't know what to do except hug him back. His body very much complained because hey ! His chest was still painful from the burns ! 

Kai ignored it. Jay was more important.

"Jay-"

"You died." 

He froze. Oh, was this why-

"In my dream. You died and I lost you forever. Because of how reckless you were."

Yep, that was why. Scratching the back of his neck to think of something to say, Kai softened. "But it was just a one-time nightmare, Sparky."

"Kai." Jay's deep blue eyes locked into his. "It's not the first time I dream about this. This time was much worse than the others."

"I- How long has this been going on ?"

The blue ninja took a deep breath. 

"Do you know how horrible it is to care about someone who doesn't care about themself ? How it feels when you see them come home, battle after battle, with more and more scars ? So many they lost count long ago. But you didn't. You remember each one. Because you care."

The lighting elemental gently took Kai's right hand, rubbing an old scar with his thumb. All Kai remembered about it was that he'd gotten it against the Serpentine. But, judging from the look on Jay's face, the short boy probably knew a lot more about it.

His voice more hushed than before, he continued nonetheless. "Can you imagine what happens inside your head when they won't listen to you or be more careful because they don't value their safety ? And meanwhile you're at their side, heartbroken, because you value them so much."

Kai definitely remembered how incomfortable Jay looked all those times he treated his wounds, even when he was the one to suggest it. All the times Jay told him to stop his self-deprecating jokes. He never realised how much it affected him.

Finally, despite his voice getting choked up by sobs, he managed to finish. "A-And you can't say anything. Because caring about someone is- It's selfish, i-in the end. You want them to be safe, to f-feel loved, and they don't- they don't feel like they deserve it. But you want them too. Because it kills you to see them throw their health away. Because you care."

He stopped talking. The red ninja could clearly tell he was fighting to not burst into tears.

Without saying anything, Kai made a circular motion with his hand against Jay's back, in hopes it'd help him calm down. He used to do it a lot when they were still teenagers, Jay being a very anxious child. This little gesture managed to ground him into reality again. It reminded him he wasn't alone.

The blue ninja seemed to remember it too, because it worked. His breathing scowled down and soon, he could regain his composure.

Kai sighed, his heart heavy. "First of all, did you rehearse that ?"

"Mayhaps. Didn't plan on crying at the end, though." They both chuckled.

"Then what what did you plan ?"

"I don't know, honestly," he admitted. "I didn't even think that far ahead. I guess I was, y'know, hoping you'd listen to reason and we could finally talk again."

Kai scoffed. "What ? You're the one who avoided me !"

"I know. I had to preserve my mental health." And from the look on his face, doing so was as painful as watching him get hurt.

"Oh." The red ninja looked away, ashamed.

"Yep."

Jay took his hand again and pointed at the scar.

"Do you recall anything about this one ?" He asked, an indecipherable look in his eyes.

"Only that I got it during a fight against some Serpentine."

"Well, you punched a snake that was sneaking up on me. In the face. You forgot about the fangs. We were lucky it wasn't a Fangpyre."

Kai winced at the painful memory. "Yeah, now that you mention it... I remember that I broke the fang, though, so that was cool."

"It broke and got STUCK in your hand. That's why you have the scar."

"...True."

"And here. This one." Jay gestured at Kai's forehead.

"Oh, you mean the big obvious scar on my face ? No, I remember that one."

"But not this one." 

He pushed aside some strands of hair to reveal a small pale line, almost invisible.

"A bullet fired right next to your head. You're VERY lucky it didn't deviate even just a little bit. I remember it vividly, because... Because the bullet was, um, aimed at me."

His expression got sour. "Listen... I don't want to keep thanking the universe or dumb luck every time you survive an injury. I don't want to worry about your well-being every single chance I get."

"That's what I don't understand ! If it's hurts you, why do you keep doing it ? Why do you care so much about me ?"

Jay smiled sadly at Kai's genuinely confused expression. 

"You really think I can stop, huh ? The feelings I have... It's not something I can control and believe me, I've tried. It's not something that goes away, either. Well, not on my own accord."

The lightning elemental closed his eyes, trying to regain control on at least something regarding his emotions. He knew that if he opened them again, the tears would flow and there'd be no stopping them then.

"Look, I- You don't feel the same, I get that. But will you please take care of yourself ? I know you don't- You don't think you're that important, so if not for you, maybe... Maybe do it for me ? I can't- I don't want you to leave, Kai."

The fire elemental took Jay's hand in his, hoping the warmth would remind him that he's here and hopefully not going anywhere anytime soon.

"It's probably a little late to say that, but, um- you're not the only one who caught feelings, heh."

He left a light kiss on Jay's knuckles, and stiffled a laugh at his flustered and bewildered expression. Oh, how he missed the faces the blue ninja did.

"I promise I'll be careful. From now on, I'll pay extra attention to my surroundings to make sure I don't get stuck by a fireball again. And tell you what, I'll try to work on my... overprotective tendencies too." He scratched the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. 

"It'll probably take a while to get rid of those habits, though. So, if you'd be willing to wait a bit, maybe- maybe we could make this work ? Because I promise I'll never want to leave your side either. "

The lightning elemental gave him a weak smile before finally bursting in tears.

"Woah- You okay there, Sparky ? Wha- What's going on ?" Did he say something wrong ? 

"I'm just- I'm- It's- I'm just so relieved-" He wailed, melting away the tension in Kai's shoulders.

"Oh my god... C'mere, you big crybaby."

He held him close in a warm and soft embrace, letting Jay sob his happy tears into his chest. How could he has lived all his life without him ? He honestly couldn't remember right now. And he didn't care. 

Eventually, Jay's eyes dried out and the blue ninja tried to save some scraps of composure. He wiped his face with his sleeve, still sniffling.

"Ugh, I'm so glad that's done. Next option was emotional blackmail, and trust me, you do NOT want to know what I would've said to convince you."

Kai faked an offended gasp before kissing him on the cheek, right on top of the freckles. "You're evil !"

"Nuh-uh ! Just desperate," he responded with a pout. An adorable pout. FSM, he's so in love it's ridiculous.

"Uh-huh, yeah. But I'm glad this whole thing is over too."

He looked at their fingers still intertwined together. "So, are we...?"

Jay offered him a warm smile in response. "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

His chest suddenly didn't hurt as much anymore. He didn't even need to check to know it finished healing.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

"Warning ! Coming through !"

They heard Cole's shout at the last second and almost got crushed by the rocks covering the entrance, sent flying by the black ninja's powerful punch.

Coughing the dust out of their lungs, they slowly came out of the hole.

"You guys okay ? I take it you sorted it out ?" Nya smirked as she pointed at the hands they were still holding.

They both nodded and the team visibly relaxed. "Finally !"

After a kiss on Kai's cheeks, Jay ran up to Lloyd so the leader to bring him up to speed, so the Smith siblings were walking behind the group as they were making their way out of the cavern. He chuckled at the sounds of his boyfriend's excited "What !?", "What happened next ?" and "No way !"

Her arms crossed in front of her, Nya gave Kai a nudge. "This is the best outcome you could've ever ended with. Be careful and don't screw it up now, Kai."

The red ninja took one look at his electrifying teammate and a fond smile grew on his face.

"Don't worry. I care too much to let that happen."


End file.
